Friday, August 11, 2017

Snakes on a Plane

This is a movie that exists. And it takes place on a plane. And occasionally, there are snakes. Some of them are very real, live snakes! That's right! Not all of them are CGI or rubber!

I really wanted to do a funny review here. Something punny and witty and droll. But the best I could come up with was substituting all of Samuel L. Jackson's many, many characters in here and there throughout the review. Which is none of the things that I wanted to be.

So, what can I say about this movie? There are snakes on a plane. They're placed there in some elaborate plot to murder a key witness in a murder trial. The best (worst?) part is that it actually works. Almost. There are a lot of dead people in this movie. And I mean a lot. Very few people that we actually care about, but the majority of the plane end up dead. For the most part, it's not gruesome or gory. There's very rarely blood. But occasionally, we get good, close up shots of infected bite wounds. Those can get a little gross, especially if you're easily queasy.

A couple dies while having sex. A man dies while peeing. The snakes bite all of the obvious body parts in both scenarios. There may be some nudity involved? I honestly don't know because I watched this on network television, and they blur out all of the offending bits. But expect nudity, because that's simply the kind of movie that this is.

Samuel L. Jackson is at his most Samuel L. Jackson. He's easily the best part of the movie, especially if you imagine that all of this is happening to a pre-S.H.I.E.L.D. Nick Fury. Everyone else is pretty forgettable. Julianna Margulies is also in this movie, which surprised me and felt a little weird. She did about as well as could be expected with the material given to her. Kenan Thompson of SNL fame is also in the movie. Which was just... I don't know. It's weird to see SNL actors in other things. He wasn't really as funny as I expected him to be.  

I'm struggling to find what else to say. Is there a plot? Technically. Does it make sense? Absolutely not. The acting is over the top. The deaths are over the top. Everything is over the top. Is it an enjoyable movie? I think you have to be in a certain kind of mood, the same mood that you watch something like Sharknado in. You have to be expecting a very specific movie going into this in order to properly enjoy and appreciate it.

Random Thoughts

They kill both a cat and a dog in this movie. Just to warn you. 

Yeah... that screenshot basically sums up the movie perfectly. 

I didn't understand their first barricade. Why couldn't the snakes just crawl over it?

Apparently, they used a mix of live, CGI, and prop snakes. 

Why does this movie end in surfing? Why not? 

This really isn't a movie that you can explain. You simply need to experience it for yourself. Just... be prepared for a movie that's objectively bad, but still a lot of fun. 

I don't even know what to rate this. 

6.5 out of 10?

~An Honest Fangirl 

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